Launch

I am launching by mostly regurgitating old content just to have some content. Reading through the old work on the various now forgotten websites I put it, I realize a lot of it sounds apologetic. I am apologizing for my body, my drive, my domming, my topping. For people who have seen what I am now, it must be weird, if not jarring. I will need to put a lot of disclaimers around it all: I wasn't born like this.

Or actually get to the synthesizing, which is what I actually want to do: collect all these writings and make something new out of it. A collection of retrospections that people will read (hopefully paid for) either out of nostalgia or a need to connect to their pasts — gays will always be adrift since we do not grow up in gay families. And as Race said, I will have to grow a thick skin, if only because I will be another cis male white top writing in a sub-culture where we so much disappointment is projected on us.

Synthesize. I look back at my starts these days, the few days in every new city, and marvel. I had no idea, for example, how magical my student days in Amsterdam would be compared to the rest of my life. This weird time I had responsibilities, but also a safety net and tons of time, and something gigantic was being born in the world connecting us all. Kind of like my life now.

How do I capture that? This strange start of the Internet, Gen X, barely connected, Microserfs, ribbed grey tank-tops, The Gap, pre-IPO but so rich already.

Working title of the essay for this coming week: You Can't Hurt Me, I Grew Up On Usenet