Can Meth Go Away Now?

I wrote his Oct 2012, when I was 42, so technically it would be part of the London essays. At the time PrEP did not exist yet and I was trying to use condoms for anal sex every time, and 95%B of the time I did.

It's interesting how I have evolved about drugs over time. They started out fun, and now I can't stand them around me. Since I want to write a collection of eassys for each of the 5 cities I lived in as an adult, I have to wonder whether I need to write a drugs essay for every city, or write a long one to put it in the last one (Berlin).

I can deal with you being significantly less lean than in your pics. As in 20 lbs or so.

And that you talk a better game than you actually do. (Just fucking lick the leather already instead of kisses).

And the scarily wide-open wired eyes.

But your inability to concentrate on one thing longer than 30 seconds is seriously annoying. The chattering. The need for a cigarette. The inability to keep up intensity because you are jumpy. The lack of control that makes your limits vague, trying to get me to fuck you raw, something I am shaky enough myself on without the temptation.

I have avoided tweakers since early millennium, when they stopped being fun and instead became all tweaky if not fucking sad and devastating. I put it in big letters on my profile (when Grindr or whatever doesn't delete it because "they don't allow references to drugs" No seriously), and still I sometimes walk into a hook-up where only during the scene, when I am hard and busy, I realise the guy is wired.

And the stupid stupid thing is that, because I am in the middle of sex, I try to make it work. It doesn't. Fortunately the fuckers are easily distracted so you can steer towards a 5 minute fuck and then chatting if they are not too wasted.

And I still don't know if I did better or worse than just asking "Hey, are you on meth?" when I firsts suspect he is, and then dealing with the silence and hurt feelings while getting dressed and getting out. It's those moments of two people being very uncomfortable as a scene is broken that I dread more than dealing with someone who is wired but not out of control.

It's not like I am an addict having to protect myself; in that situation I am just someone looking at probably bad sex for the next half hour that may or may not get me off (and is that better than no sex? You will only know after). I just don't like it when people break scenes with me, so I don't want to do it either. Especially with someone I will run into in the scene or circuit in the future.

My empathic circuits make me a great Dom, but they seriously get in the way sometimes when I sense I am about to seriously offend a human who wants to sub for me. I can't even outright reject someone on-line well enough yet.